My back was bothering me earlier and the meds have yet to kick in and send me to the land of dreams.
The last couple of days haven't been so great. It took a lot of energy just to get out of bed
And put on my socks and then mosey up. There were moments I felt like crying but then wondered
What use self pity would serve. Life just seems to be stoic. I'm not going anywhere and that in itself is infuriating.
Time is passing. By the end of the year I will have finished yet another semester.
But when you're a graduating student in her final year, unable to enjoy much of anything, time can often be a curse.
I need to quit complaining. I just want this chapter of my life to be over.
I want to put it behind me and only look back when I need a reminder of what I went through, survived, And learned from.
It's like being able to see what needs to be done and then not getting anywhere near it.
Seeing what could be but then keeping yourself away, away from anything remotely resembling something worth holding on to.
No matter how much time and distance I put between two evils the fact remains I fail.
I fall back and find myself in a hole created only by me and it's a scary space. A scary thought.
Finding yourself in a space so frightening, realizing it's your own mind. But then you sit down to write.
Sort out your thoughts and see where you're at, knowing you're there but physically seeing it on a dim computer screen allows
Makes u feel less trapped. You make the choice to see the glimmer of hope floating in the distance.
Knowing you will grab it, fall asleep, and pray for a better tomorrow!