It's all about her


We're going to be just fine. More then fine. We're going to be great. Simply because we already are.



Currently listening to "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele and have a pretty solid routine for it.
I fully realize all of us are messed but it's so on! I have no inhibitions about making problems...

I totally witnessed the funniest quote of the millennium: "I can spell, I'm just not literate." ahahaha

Both my sisters called me yesterday and I had the same conversation with them both.
I found it rather hilarious. They both promised to interrogate me on Sunday.
Should be good. I hate being away from home on special occasions. Here's a long distance hug...
I know you read these entries. Guess I should stop with the swearing...But it's smiling on me these days.


Sometimes I question my own sanity, then I realize I'm the sanest person I know.
I do insane things, but am always fully aware of what I'm doing, so in fact, they're sane...


I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against,
When I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it. It’s a thing you don’t want to go wrong over,
Because one false step and you’re sunk. I mean, if you fool about too long at the start, trying to establish atmosphere,
As they call it, and all that sort of rot, you fail to grip and the customers walk out on you.

Get off the mark, on the other hand, like a scalded cat, and your public is at a loss.
It simply raises its eyebrows, and can’t make out what you’re talking about.
I shall have to hark back a bit. Then I found my mind turning to another aspect of this affair.
And taking it for all in all and weighing this against that, I suppose the affair may be said to have had its inception,
if inception is the word I want, with that visit, when I went to Norwood, where I spent my leisure time last weekend.

So, my weekend in Norwood. I knew it was going to be fun but... I've decided to move in with Julia...and her parents...
And her sisters...and her cows....and her chickens...and 3 house cats...and her horse and scary dog...
Did I mention she has a horse? Yep. They have no choice. Perhaps I'll live in the coop. I can cluck. Cluck cluck...there.

First there's Mr. B.

Picture a typical farmer... Who gets up at dawn, works in the barn,
Comes in for breakfast, works in the barn, comes in for lunch,
Works in the barn, comes in for dinner, works in the barn, goes to bed.
Ok... Do you have the image of the typical farmer in your head?
Now add in common wit and a cute smile and a dash of a loving father...


Mrs. B.

Mother of four. Needs a vacation yet does her job better
Then a lot of other mothers I've seen. One hell of a cook
And one hell of a nice mom. There should be an award...
Makes damn good pancakes and is easy to carry on
A conversation with. Loves her daughters, you can see it
on her face, but they tire her out. That Julia one is a handful :)
Drives really fast. She sent me home with homemade cookies
So I have no choice but to like her.

Mrs. B: "Jen, do you have room in your bag for cookies?"
Jen: "I always have room for cookies."


Julia B.

She's funny looking. I'll start again. Julia B. Oldest of four girls.
That explains it self. Has a strong love for her cows and
Speaks in a completely different voice to her animals.
Has a stupidly comfortable bed and the coolest wall paper
I have ever seen. She can party with the best of them and her
Dance moves can seriously take on mine. (not really)
First year university student...I forget the name...
All in all, she does some serious rocking of my world...


Amanda B.

Has crazy curly hair. I tried straightening it. Didn't really fly.
Kind of quiet but you can tell there's a lot going on in her head.
I think she thinks I'm a freak...or maybe just freakish.
She laughed at all my jokes so I must like her for that.
In grade 9, going through those tough years. Pretty sure she'll make it.
Makes one hell of a waitress. Has a wicked collection of earrings...


Jamie B.

Doesn't believe the light looked like a strawberry and argued with me
About it for a good two minutes before giving in.
She's decent at rock-paper-scissors but can't stack her fingers on top
Of each other. That's a skill very few of us talented people have.
In grade six and thinks it sucks. I can't help but agree.
Likes enormous earrings. She can pull them off though.
Very competitive at computer games. I got the high score in Rattler...


Ashley B.

The baby of the clan. Cutest little girl I have ever seen.
Has had a tough year but is good spirited.
Kind of freaked out when she saw me.
Guess she didn't know I was staying with them.
Can paddle ball up to 65 beats, I stood there and counted.
I shocked myself with the fact that I could count all the way to 65.
Impressive. Loves the Incs. Who doesn't?
Favorite food is mashed potatoes. Good choice. ;)


The End

There is no more. Major estrogen family. It started with a crazy cab ride to the bus station with a driver
Who picked at his teeth with a knife and thought he was a race car driver.

It ended two days later with me puking in the bus station due to car sickness and laughing the whole bus ride home
Because of our stories from the night before.

I had a lot of firsts this weekend. First time being with Julia behind the wheel of a vehicle.
For all you other people who haven't drive on the RIGHT side of the road :)
I love the fact that all her friends thought we were drunk on Friday when we were actually just really really hyper.
Hanging out with them was kind of pictures come to life with voices and shit...trippy. Love for them all.

Some dude's house party. Let's just say those country kids know how to party! I for one was wowed.
Drugs, booze, guitars, random make-outs... There's a good time and then there's a Norwood time.

There is so much I want to write, but it's impossible to put down all the wicked memories I have from this weekend.
There are no words. I'll keep it simple then. See yeah in May...and June...and July...and August....last year...

@темы: Norwood,


Stop trying to make me into something else... I hate feeling pushed.


There are about a million rabbits around my house these days due to the fact that there's a field in my backyard...
That apparently is not a field though.

Went walking around suburbia last night with some friends. John decided that next summer will be the summer of 69.
I'm looking forward to that and the details he'll be giving me afterwards.

My dad said we could help ourselves to whatever we wanted to drink, I think he was trying to impress my friend, but we took him up on it..
Is it wrong to be drinking when your parents are at church?

You say I walked away but you made out with someone way before anything ever finished and thought I wouldn't find out.
May you grow to be proud, dignified and true.


I like boys, I like dancing, I like talking... I can talk over and over again... I can talk about everyone and about everything around...

I like to talk about problems, but more often random shit that doesn't matter, though it still makes me happy.

I love my friends... I love hanging out with them, I like dancing with them, I like being with them...

I am not proud of everything I've done but I will not allow other people to rake me over the coals for my mistakes.
They may as well go to hell now before I put them there. People who don't know me better not get in my way...

I don't care about your feelings, I care about you, so if that involves your feelings, then I guess I care about your feelings.

I listen better then you think I would. I'm fibber, but not ashamed to admit it.

I trust only three people enough to bare my soul. One's ten years older then me, another I've known since elementary school,
the most important goes beyond anything any of you can ever imagine. Sometimes I worry about the state of my soul,
because even I shock myself with my thoughts. But then I shrug it off and do whatever it is I was doing before I had that thought.

I don't believe in violence for violence sake, but I do not shy away from conflict.
I easily get my back up and fluff my feathers. Becoming anything like my parents scares the hell out of me.

I like music. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes my day good.

People I don't understand bother me. I never get why some people can be so naive.

I always choose strawberry over chocolate milk. My favorite restaurant is Kelsey's,
I don't know if it's because of the food or because of the good memories I had two years ago.

Everyday I think about Lisa, it is the one thing that always makes me happy...

I have always admired my older sister. However, recently it's grown from a childhood jealousy into a loving friendship.
She is such an amazing person, the world one day will fall at her feet.

When I picture myself at 40, I see me in my kid's tree house smoking a joint with my best friend
and talking about how good the sex is with our husbands. I laugh at the image, but fully know it'll be real.

I often have images of me dancing with some guy, he's holding me close and I feel safe.
That thought scares me, I never want to rely on anyone ever again.

My friends Stacey and Julia are my saving grace at university.
I owe them so much gratitude for every intangible thing they have given me.

I am so thankful that I do. You can be stuffy and responsible or free spirited and judged. I want the kind of life that goes by on a whim,
But has a stable ground. And want to know that I've done everything I planned. If I dream it, I'll make it real...

When I think about God, I know it's real. When I think about myself I have doubts.

I like pulpy orange juice and red skittle and when it rains it makes me think of a person.
I feel the safest curled up in bed, the most exposed in front of my peers.

I know things happen for a reason, I trust in it. It takes a while to see the meaning, but it never fails.
I have few secrets that I'm not willing to share. My life isn't extraordinary, but it's the only one I've lived. I write too much...

@темы: that's what I like


I want to touch people's lives, that will always be the driving force behind my career choice.
However, I look forward to the summers traveling and living like I know I want to.
Living on a boat, in the city, in the country, out of a knapsack, on my friend's couch...I see it all. I'll do it all, or die trying...


People who assume they know what's best for someone else piss me off. Take the time to listen, and they'll tell you what's best.


I will never understand how people can expect so much from me. I never make promises.
I wonder why just being me is never enough. Yet, I don't pity myself,
Because I've always known that I actually am quite awesome... Sometime I just forget about it...


Some things in life are just beautiful. The moments you wouldn't trade for anything.
The moments you cherish a life time. A string of beautiful moments that make a life.


It's raining and it's so nice. Did I ever tell you how much I love the rain? I love the rain!

This morning my mom and I sat and listened to it over breakfast. It was nice...

I love her and I am very proud of her. I wonder if she knows that, I should probably tell her more often.
After she left for work I curled back up in bed and just stared out the window. There was comfort in it.


Jack Johnson just sitting around a campfire somewhere on a beach, chilling with his friends and jamming on his guitar.
I want to be one of those friends. ♥


This butterfly is ready to spread her wings and unleash her fury.
They say a simple flap can cause hurricanes across continents. I will not go unnoticed.

Days like today remind me what I'm about. Days like today remind me what we're about.
I will never leave you. I will never stop loving you. I will always cherish you.

Happiness is a choice. Heck yes my friends, heck yes. I'm down with that.

Work is kind of rocking my world these days. Or more like it's my world. 6 days a week, 9 hrs a day.
Nothing but hot thoughts and fuzzy stuff makes you want a hug, doesn't it?


Blowing bubbles and holding hands. Walking in the sunshine and watching from the window as it rains.

Pumpkin muffins, smiles from strangers and small toads. Walking in the woods.

Hot drinks with good friends. Laughter. Lots of laughter. Laughing over nothing. Laughing until it hurts.

Cleaning, hot showers and heartfelt prayers. Silent moments shared with a loved one.

Hooded sweatshirts and scandalous underwear and sliding in hallways in your socks.
Homemade meals and thoughts on love. Sharing and caring and talking until six in the morning.
Handshakes and hugs and quiet kisses. Asking questions, finding answers, being open to know. Holding on.

Making kids smile. Allowing myself to smile. It's all about love, which I've kept in my mind for a long time...


Listening to: Gwen Stefani - The Sweet Escape


The things you know and why you know them. There is a reason for every action, every sentence, every situation
That happens in your life. It's easy not to understand why someone did something, but if you go back to what
They were thinking and experiencing at the time you see why they did it. And although it may not have been right,
You understand why they did what they did and it makes sense. You can analyze everything from different angles.

Memories, situations, journal entries. People put them there for the reason and sometimes they actually believe
Others won't see why too. Eric and his chronic items are trying to make Lisa jealous just because he wants to make her
Believe in herself. It makes perfect sense for him but still makes no sense for her.

Why people do things and the thinking process behind their actions. Do some people actually think others won't figure it out?
There's good player and then there's bad player.

You can fool people into thinking you don't know, but then ask yourself why you wanted to fool them in the first place.
Often it all comes down to the simple fact that they have something over you.

There is a characteristic they have that you so desperately want in yourself but don't.
They have something you don't. So you manipulate the situation to your benefit.
Because it's not until you analyze yourself that you realize you were actually wrong and they were right and it's over
But it sticks out. That's why some people stick out more then others.
Because it wasn't till it's all over that you realize something you were so convicted in is actually not right.

Like how I was fully convicted to church and its teachings but then I started thinking about it and too many questions
Came out of the thinking that now I am fully convicted that there's too many questions to ever be satisfied.
It has taken a long thought process to come to the conclusion that thinking too much just causes problems.
It really sucks when they get to say I told you so.

Yet eventually the thinking goes away and you're back into being fully convicted you're right. There's a simple solution.
Give them the same rights and same legal restrictions as straight people, just don't call it "marriage".
The religion aspect is partly satisfied. The gay part is partly satisfied. It's a damn good compromise.
But although the idea was thought, no one will go for it because they are so convicted when they don't think.
It's like the different levels of thinking.

It makes sense so it's one level, but the fact that they don't want to budge in their views and
The reasons behind why they won't budge even though it makes perfect sense is a completely different level.
And the thinking behind their view points is another. The experiences they've had sway their thinking.
Like if you're straight and grow up in a liberal house and have really nice next door neighbors you won't think the same way
And if you grew up in a conservative, strict catholic family and were punched in grade 8 by some dude who turned out to be gay.

Obviously. It's crazy.

So why do I think the way I do which inevitably causes the actions.
Basically taking time and getting inside other people's heads and makes you understand a whole lot better.
And although you understand, you still can't help but think of the situation the original way you did,
Even though you've learned a new one, cos you don't want to let go what you were so sure of. You're scared of not having your reality clutch..


It's like I've just realized three things about myself that I always knew on some level.

1. I'm totally messed up. 2. I don't think teaching will truly make me happy. 3. I am scared about never being happy.

It's not like I expect to wake up one day and everything will be perfect. I know I have to work for it all.
But what I don't understand is why I don't start. It's like I know the future will happen so I'm just.....alright.

I'm going to stop here because I will go off on a zillion and attempt to explain my thoughts on life even
Though I'm sure every other person has the exact same doubts about themselves.

It's weird how it's often the sound of the sound that catches your attention first,
But it eventually becomes the lyrics that make a mark on your soul if it's good enough because you can relate.

Songs draw emotion. So you listen to a less meaningful song that's full of good sounds. You're raw and need to feel....

You listen to something that you connect with on a different type of level. Sad thing is that I can always keep going this never stops.


My attraction to kinnetic defies everyday logic. On the surface it is a manipulative, self-centered and arrogant concept.
A lot of people will never understand it, they still believe the only way to be a good person is by loving everyone.

By my own admission, I don't believe in love. I believe in maximizing pleasure. What you see is what you get.
I am able to rationalize almost every miserable, obnoxious, blunt thing I have ever said or done to those closest to me.

Why? Because there is more to me than meets the eye, I just don't care if everyone sees it. I can easily describe myself.